A Sobering Moment at Camp

(This was actually written in July 2012 but I didn't publish until now. I thought this was worth publishing.) 



I have way too much to do right now, but I had to take a minute to share this. 

This past week I got to work as administrator for my Parent's summer camp VBC. It was so much fun, putting on puppet shows, working with an awesome team of young adults, and playing music every day. On the last day I got the cherry on the cake though...I got to do a facepainting station. Whenever I do this I find it so interesting what face each child will choose from the little example booklet. One little blond girl steered away from the typical princesses, flowers and hearts and pointed at the elaborate puppy face which included painting her whole face white and adding black puppy spots and a tongue hanging out. She then ran around the camp for the rest of the day barking at everyone. lol!

There was one quiet little boy however who melted my heart. He sat looking through the book with examples if Spiderman, Pirates and "tough" faces and opted for a beautiful colorful pattern. So, why would that be so touching to me? Because at the beginning of camp I heard this boy's story. 

He was living in Haiti when the earthquake struck. He and his aunt were in their house when it collapsed. His aunt was killed due to a pipe that pushed through her body and that same pipe caused a wound on this little boy's head which he still has a visible scar from. He was pinned upside down beside his aunt who called out for help for him until her dying breath. The nerves in his leg were badly damaged during the ten hours he was stuck there and he now walks with a bit of trouble. 

So I sat there almost in tears remembering all of this and looked into his peaceful eyes and thought about the cheerful choice he had made. I painted over some small scars on his face and I wished I could see in his mind to see how he sees life now after being through something so horrific. I think he lives beyond the competition to be tough and strong and is just happy to be ok and alive. 

Len and I both agreed that seeing his smiles increase more and more as the week went on was worth gold to both of us. God, thank you for his life. 

My intelligent First Born

Just browsing through some old videos and found a few of my oldest son Titus. He was (and still is) one smart kid. In the video above he was 13 months old. He has always been so bright. And I know he is destined for greatness.

Dear Imaginary Friend

Hey! How's it going? I'm fine. Thanks for asking.

I'm writing this to you to tell you that you are actually a really crappy friend. I mean, you're so unrealistic and distant. You never speak to me out of your own free will. Do you even have a free will? I have done a really good job of making you into who you are. The least you could do is be real with me for once.

Okay, I admit it... I haven't really truly spoken to you since childhood....and even then... I don't really remember hanging out with you much at all if ever... But still. I need you now. So that's what this is about...my needs. So, I'll just come out with it...

I am super lonely! Like, the weird kind of lonely...people all around, but still alone. Feeling misunderstood. Feeling overwhelmed by my inability to be like...everyone else. How is it that they seem to be all the same? I get a ton of attention from all the things that are demanded of me, but to be listened to and poured into?....I'm pretty dry. But maybe that's just where I am...a dry place. So, old friend... feel like hanging out? I mean, you like all the things I like, right? You really want to hear everything I have to say? Really? Well, if you insist. And you want to hang out? Okay! Awesome! Oh, and you like art even? That's perfect! Let's  ride our pink motorcycles down to the water. We'll have a mini food picnic (With these mini cupcakes I made) and then jump off the dock into the sparkling rainbow water! What did you say? I have a perfect tan? Aww, thanks! Yeah, my tan is perfect because this is all imaginary. Now let's swim to the other side of the lake to that grassy sunny island, k? With the little hills and flowers. Then your Mom can make us sweet tea and we'll have everyone else over to hang out for the party.

Oh, you made me a cake? Oh! You shouldn't have. You even drew my face on it? Wow! It looks just like me! You are so much more talented than I am. What's that? A sleepover? Yes! I'm in. I just happen to have my ultra soft cushiony roll out bed and pillow. The stars sure are beautiful, aren't they? I wonder what they look like from heaven. Oh, you have a photo of that? Oh MY, so breathtaking. I so needed this time away from my boys. Wow, boys are crazy. They sure do love crazy craziness...and being...crazy. Sometimes I feel like ripping off my FACE. lol ...*awkward silence*.........Well, maybe just a little piece of it. It's a really good thing I love them as much as I do. Hey! Wanna go swimming? You go in first. Is it cold? lol! You look funny with your hair wet! Like a wet cat. LOL Well, I guess it's time to sleep. Ahh, this bed is so comfy.

Thanks for the good time, old friend.

(lol)

My Singing

I love Foster the People so I recorded myself singing to Helena Beat. It's not perfect but it was enjoyable. I haven't truly loved a band for so long... *sigh*.

Home Film School

Since I realized that film was what I wanted to do, I've been homeschooling myself as much as is possible with two young boys around. It hasn't been completely thorough I must admit, but I have been learning both first hand through little projects and also with books (Thank you Howard & Mabley, XP Media Bootcamp) as well as online with NYVS. Along this home educating journey I've had the privilege of visiting a film class at Concordia and I've been learning about framing and setting up shots through my own photography experimenting. I don't feel like a regular film student at all. During my visit to Concordia I was almost massacred by the other students when I admitted to not knowing the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark". So it was a classic I missed....along with another 90% of "must see" films I'm sure. Yet still, I feel God pushing me on in this schooling and He sometimes surprises me...like last night. We saw the film "Hugo" which was totally unplanned. My parents showed up and we decided to go see something at the oh so classy Dollar Cinema. It was a family movie but I absolutely loved it. It was all about the beginning of film. I realized, those people who made movies at the very beginning didn't go to film school either... they invented the methods. They had fun and they were free to express in whatever way they wanted through this new magic called "film". This is how I feel seeing as I haven't been told by professors what I can or can't do. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go to film school.....and I may have if I hadn't gotten pregnant when I did. But right now at this stage, I'm so elated to be on my own. And last night after the movie I felt God stirring my heart again about media. My father somehow managed to get us into the control room of the theatre and we had a personal explanation of how everything worked up there. Ha! It felt like a class trip. I was so excited I was bouncing while talking to Len on the way home and then, as I looked out my window my eye caught the huge Canon headquarters building. The second my eyes saw the "Canon" sign, it's lights came on and lit it up in bright red. Wow. What a hilarious moment. I took it as a smile from God.

A Group of Artists....together?

Starting a painting group tonight. I'm excited about it extremely because being a Mom I have no other excuse to sit down and paint for a few hours. This really gives me the chance to get it out of system every month. (Painting above is an unfinished of my husband. He's pretty painting worthy...) One thing I am hoping doesn't happen is that artists compare or feel less than others. This will create such a terrible vibe...no one will want to come back. It's going to be tricky making all the artists feel comfortable. Like especially if someone just decides to walk around and "observe" other's work. Gosh. I just pray it goes well because if it does, it could be a great oasis amid a lot of dry responsibility.

A Sobering Dream

I woke up suddenly at 5am today and immediately wrote this in my journal:

I just had a terrible dream. I was at a restaurant with Len and we were talking about life and such but there was a sort of sadness to it. The dream switched to a camp ground and things weren't functioning properly with the septic system and my parents were trying to deal with that but the same type of depression was in that portion of the dream. Suddenly Len and I were in the back seat of a car riding somewhere and I was talking about how great things were when Titus was alive... About how things used to be and I could see his sweet smile in my dream as clear as day. My heart started to twist and I cried as I said, "I can't believe he's gone..." Len said "Man, I miss that kid." through tears of his own. I knew that it was hard on Len because Titus and he were so close. I sobbed as I said "I had TWO boys! TWO. I had EVERYTHING." and I leaned down with my face on the seat deeply sobbing with pain and remorse. And all of this was so real I felt the finality of it. Everything in me was regretting and wishing and I guess the death had happened recently in the dream because I asked Len, "Didn't they try to revive him?" (I'm crying even as I write this) and he answered "Yes, I was right there. They tried 6 times." That was it. So hopeless and final. So terrible and horrifying. And right then, I woke up. I was lying there looking at my ceiling thanking God that it wasn't real. I went into my boy's room and saw Titus sleeping peacefully.

I'm pretty sure God is trying to teach me something because I know I've been really hard on Titus lately. And two days ago I saw this video which has a very similar story:

http://youtu.be/86GTxOw4p1E

And after checking on the boys I went to the table and opened the Bible and this is the scripture I landed on: "Whoever accepts a child in my Name accepts me." Point taken.